life's like an hour glass glued to the table

Totally lost over the past couple of days, although i'm surrounded by people who love and care for me, i feel so alone. It's just amazing how one day approaching can change how you feel for a whole week.

Last march, i lost my sister faye, and today would've been her twenty-first birthday. Faye was an amazing person, she didn't give a shit about what people thought about her, she oozed spontaneity, and was just the best. She was a total free spirit, and we loved going on little adventures and stealing souvenirs (all of which i still have (mainly from virgin trains!)), and not a day goes by without me thinking about her.

I knew this day was going to be bad but i had no idea how much, which is weird because it would've been the complete opposite, if she was still here. Today was horrible, i was pretty much on my own for the most part, and i wandered around chester going to places we'd been to. If i had money, i'd be in my hometown, down at my spot by the beach. It's usually the only place that snaps me out of a smile-less day, but today in chester did the job, and an old friend bringing me a banana milkshake wasn't exactly the worst thing! When something's bothering me, i'm more of a 'smile now, cry later' kind of person, i don't like to drag people down when i'm sad. So after putting on an ear-to-ear grin all day, i got home and started sorting through all the crap in my room, it totally helps me!

Since faye got stolen from us, i've been obsessed with trying to find pictures of me and her, there's only a few even though i remember taking loads. The main one i can remember was taken on my phone and was when we went to this totally lame underground labyrinth cave in wales where we had to wear bright blue hard-hats, we took the piss the whole time, took a photo of us in our totally sexy hats and both had it as our phone background for months. I've literally tore my room apart at times, looking for the phone which i took it on because i know i have it still, and tonight i found it but it has no battery! I don't know whether to be happy or sad.

I don't want this to come across as a 'feel sorry for me' post, because it's quite the opposite, i want everyone to take it as motivation to do whatever the hell you want in life! Behave like a lunatic in public if you want, when are you ever going to those people again?! Totally cliche but, do something everyday that is outside your boundaries, make yourself think "fuck, i shouldn't be doing this". And most importantly, don't take anyone for granted, because, touch wood, one day they might not be there and you'll find yourself in on a friday night, listening to The xx, offering the skies the whole world and a kinder egg, just to see their face again, even if just for a second.

      

Happy twenty-first birthday faye, i bet the birthday cakes up there are frickin' awesome. 

P & L